Lately I have been feeling discouraged.
Things have been going great but mentally I have been thinking a lot.
I am wanting things done personally in myself that I haven't been able to get done. I want to gain the motivation to workout more, to eat healthier, to put on clothes and be happy with myself. Things like that just don't happen over night, I know. But I lose focus on it because I have so much more going on in my life.
I know there people out there that have busy lives, and still get their asses in the gym. I find myself at the bottom of the hill when I feel like I should have already been over it so many times already.
I have dieted, I have worked out but it just seems like I lose focus and give up.
My true thoughts is, I want to be home more. I want to be able to take my son to school, work on the apartment, have a normal daily workout routine, plan dinners, pick my son up from school, help him with his homework, take him to practices, and still be able to have family time before we have to rush home, make dinner, get homework done, after practice when it's 8pm, and then get to bed by midnight knowing I haven't taken a shower in 2 days. I have laundry piled in the hallway, dishes piling in the sick spilling over on the counter, floors that need to be vacuumed and a bedroom that could use some cleaning. All in all it's a good 'lived in" home, but I know it could be maintained better. I know that I can be the 'super mom' that I wish I could be.
I love working. I have been working since I was 16 and I know I would be completely bored out of my mind if I was just at home all day. But I also feel I need the opportunity to try and be the mom I can be and take care of my family. I just don't know how I can do that and still not able to pay for my bills.
I know I am not the only one in the world who has to deal with this. And I know there are many people out there that has done the 'stay at home mom' and 'one income' thing. But it scares me thinking that one income isn't enough.
Lots of things happen in my life that I feel that I wouldn't be able to handle if I decided to go this direction and it doesn't work. I would like to work part-time eventually, but I really want to be that person who can rest and not have to feel this way.
I know selfish is what everyone thinks. I don't get to be selfish very often. I don't get to just wake up and think "hey, I want to do this for me and I am going to do it for me'. I don't think I could ever do that.
My family is everything to me. I love everything about my family. But I feel that my life needs a change. and I am not sure this is what it needs but I keep getting pulled in that direction of what it needs to be.
