can't help being me

I am one to worry.
To think more about the negative but hide behind the positive.
I am one to think of the worst of things, even when there's nothing to think worse about.
I look beyond what other's could see and see it.
I worry what people don't think about me and think differently of myself when they think about me.
I think about the future constantly and worry what the past has brought onto me.
I wonder constantly of what I have done wrong despite of the many good things I have done.
I tend to smile to keep people at ease and I hide behind it thinking of what they really think.
I worry too much about thoughts and feelings. Because my own thoughts and feelings are always tucked away where no one can see them.
I find myself to be like this because I never know how I am supposed to feel.
When I find I care for someone I tend to keep what feelings I can inside so they don't feel they have to feel that way.
I give the minimum waiting to find that excuse to give it all.
I have lost a lot and gained more.
I have been in love a few times and want to love just one more time.
I can't help wanting more for myself.
Because I want even more for the ones I love.
I can't help but to wishful think.
In my heart I belive fairy tales could exist.
I am a worryer and a romantic at heart.
I may think too much, but knowing what I want is sometimes tough to know.
and I just can't help being who I am...
It's just me.

thinking and knowing...

Every woman is different when they think about things.

Every woman expects certain things.

I'm not quite one of those woman that strive attention. But I do like to be known I'm thought of.

Sometimes I wonder if I went so long without texting/calling some people, how long it would be till they contact me?

I think today I am going to do that.

Today I am choosing to see if my thought is just in my head or if it's knowing how I really appear in someone's thoughts throughout the day.

Things just happen

You can't control how things happen.
Why they happen.
They just happen.

February of 2010 I was hired at Blockbuster because I was in search of a job after losing my Taco Bell Manger job of 6years. Although myself, as well as othere, disagree with the reasonings of that job loss, I believe I needed that push.
I'm not one for changes.
I really don't like them. I tend to keep things familiar just to make things easier. I have learned MANY times that life just isn't easy.
I was transfered a bit away from where I was used to working around mid summer or so of 2011. I was nervous but once again it was the push I needed. As last time I was ingnoring my opportunites of what life was giving me. Then around November of 2011 I was transfered to be a store manager a lil closer to where I lived and it made it a bit easier. I started out still not noticing what I was supposed to be doing and lost focus till one day I was hit by something the night i spend the first time in the apartment alone. I needed to make a change in myself. and I needed to make something change for and my son.
I slowly got rid of the destraction and made that change.
In that transition I met someone that was in my life for the amount of 4months. And who knew that I could find someone that is capable of spending that extra time of not just me but me and my son.

its a tough thing life.

life doesn't come with a manual.

(wish it did)

I'm not saying that all this have "completed" my life.
It could change any moment.
But noticing the good changes you chose to change your life kinda makes it a lil better than when life has to force things on you.

i will always love the people in my past. some more than others. I will always think about that part of my life bc without some of the outcomes?...i wouldn't be where i am now.

When is it right

When is is write to move past everything and go foward? When will it be easier to just let go and go after the feelings you hold inside? How do u really know if there is true feelings of love or just lust?

When I'm with him it's like I'm almost complete. But I don't know if its a feeling of emptiness I'm trying to fill or it's really there. When he leaves I just want to say something to make sure he comes back. Sometimes love is all I can think of when that happened. Love can mean so much and yet it can ruin so much in the process of happening. Love changes people. Love make other people believe there is less to it if you say it. A relationship isn't complete once you say it. You have to be love. Why is it so hard to love? And why is it so hard not to?

It's a question we're just going to have to deal with.