Thinking too much into it...

Last weekend was Memorial Day weekend.
Typically we just hangout at home and maybe get some things done. We had talked to my sister and her husband that maybe we could go to my grandparent's to help them get ready for our aunt's wedding reception. (My grandpa broke his collar bone last week and we discussed that if it was okay with them, we would go help them out.) I had reached out to my sister yesterday morning wondering if we were going to go there and help out or not. I never received anything. I just assumed that we were going to go later this week and decided to hangout at home. I found out today that everyone went over there to help out. ONCE AGAIN, I was left out of things. No one called me, or answered my text/phone calls. I never once got the information that there was anything going on. That makes me look like the one who doesn't care. And I do care. I care a lot about being involved. But no one ever does.

Sometimes when this happens I tend to ghost them for awhile. Even though I know that they aren't even aware of it. This week I had already planned to watch my nephew so they could go to the baseball banquet with my oldest nephew. I don't NOT want to watch him, but I don't want to be anywhere near them right now.

I know most that would read this, or if there really is anyone that reads this, is probably thinking, "man this chick bitches about the dumbest things", or, "she should have just went over there and helped out even without their say so". Right?....Am I right?

Well shit happens and I let feelings hit me.

As pissed off as this happens, I am beginning to think that I will always be the "forgotten" one in the family. I know that is juvenile to think...but it's how I think. I do my best to not let it bother me. I should be used to it by now.

I think about moving all the time. I wonder who will actually care if I do or not. Sometimes I think that no one would even care. Other times, I think they would. Thinking about moving my son makes me anxious. But I know that it wouldn't be anything major. Getting my son out of his current school system might actually be good for him. He struggles a lot with school and they don't seem to want to help him anyways. Maybe a fresh start would be something we all need. It's not like my dad really wants to talk to me or my other family wants to see me. (aside from my grandparent's) I can always plan to visit as much as I can. I would hate to lose contact with them. Maybe it is time to make that change. I don't think I would want to quit my job. Knowing I will still see my sister and mom at work would for sure still be an issue. But at least I will be happy in a new home and a new location that I can call my own. Not that my current home isn't my own. No one has came to visit me but maybe 3 times. I haven 't had anyone come over and hangout. No one has come over to spend time with me. The only time I am asked to really hangout is if I am needed to watch the nephews or if they have a get together and I am part of a group chat. (I hate group chats)

Well...maybe me and my little family can move and still be forgotten somewhere else. I think it would an adventure for sure.

We will see.

Thanks for reading.

Let's try this again - 2018

2018

How did it get this far into things and me not know that it's already this late into my life.

I am 31 now. 

I am married. 

My son is about to start middle school. 

I have a whole new position at work and I am actually enjoying every moment of it. 

I still don't have many friend...okay...no friends. But I think I have been okay with that. 

My sister now works with me. And I have been able to chat with her and catch up on things during the week. Things I never really could find out unless we planned to meet up. Before it was hard to know too much about her and her adorable family unless I was asked to watch my littlest nephew. And even then, I really didn't get much conversation out. I know it's not anyone's fault. It just happens as you get older. My younger sister lives in GA now. No matter where she goes, she rocks at it. Before she was a make up goddess. She started at Mac and then found her way to doing make up for models and magazines and she even got her own stores to manage. Her hubbie got moved to GA and now she is a...well...she does microblading and eyelash extensions. From what I can see on Instagram, she is a true artist. I mean, she has always been an artist at everything she has done...but for this occupation it's for sure something I could never even think of doing. I don't talk to her very often, but I do follow her so I can see what's been going on. Here is her business page if you ever want to take a look at how AMAZING she is: Brow Almighty.

I am still working on my weight.

NOTHING NEW HUH? 

Being told I have PCOS has done a pretty good number on me. Mentally and physically.
I have attempted to go on diets, workout, stay healthy. For the most part, I am a pretty healthy person. I think portioning is my weakness. Lately it has been sweets too. I think that is an addiction I am going to have to go to meetings for. Eventually. I still have Beach Body and I still attempt to get off my ass and do something active. Living in a small apartment with one exit and entrance makes it hard on me to focus. I hate the idea of people seeing me do things like that. I know doing something healthy isn't something to be ashamed of, but when you are jumping around and struggling getting up and down and all around, it's embarrassing to me. I love to walk. I could walk forever, but I feel that when I go on walks, I am missing out on so much. Being married or I guess just in a relationship has changed me so much. It is NO WHERE near my husbands fault. But I feel like I hold back so much since I have been with him. I need to fix it. Or I think it's going to mess everything up.

"I never knew I could do anything like I do now.

I want to do even better.

I actually see myself doing better too."

My job had always been something I wasn't proud of. Now...I feel pretty proud of what I do.
I have learned so much about what my business is as well as what all I can do. I never knew I could do anything like I do now. I want to do even better. I actually see myself doing better too. I really never thought I would ever think like that. Since I never went to school for anything. Or really had interest in anything other than being a nurse...I kind of stopped thinking of the future. I went from Taco Bell to Blockbuster to this job. I started in the art department (not really doing art) but I learned some. I mainly just did the lists for products that we sold at events. It was a very tedious job, and I was the person that did it. For 4 years. I can honestly say that me and Excel...Excelled together. 4 years of just pulling lists up, formatting them for different things and alphabetizing. Sounds great doesn't it. DO NOT get me wrong. I was TRULY blessed that I had a job. This job helped me get into my own apartment. Pay my bills. Allowed me to take off if I needed for my son. This job gave me so much. But I felt like that was all I would be doing for the remainder of my adulting life. 

I am now the Internet and eCommerce Administrator for the business I work for. eCommerce is something I didn't know really was a huge thing. I never would have thought I was smart enough for it at all. Being asked to step down from my position and do this was the scariest thing I have ever done. I went out of my comfort zone and learned something. I am still learning. I think i am going to be learning for remainder of this position. It is something you never stop learning about. I think that is why I love it so much. Also,just a couple weeks ago the company created their own marketing team. I was added to to that team. So now I am learning how to do marketing. I still focus on the eCommerce part of the business but learning how marketing ties into all of it has been crazy fun. The owner of the company doesn't really show he sees much. But lately I have been seeing he does. Maybe not as much he thinks he does...but he has been seeing it. I am so happy to be a part of this business. I want to help it grow more and more.

Now if only I can get myself to grow like I do for this business.

That is probably going to have to be another story. I feel I have hit beyond my limit for now.

If you made it to the end.

Thank you.