being forgotten

Life introduces you to many people. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're people you build relationships with. I enjoy meeting people in general because I feel it makes your life a lil bit more colorful. You will always have some kind of memory of the people you meet. Doesn't have to be a huge memory, just a memory in general.

My favorite memory is meeting my Taco Bell clan. They were the people I caught myself being me. I learned who I was with them. And I didn't have to be anyone else BUT me! Those people will ALWAYS have a huge part in my life. Sam was my bestie throughout high school. He kept me laughing and always got into my head. Jana was the one person I felt I could really see eye to eye to when it came to emotions and feeling on life. Jamie kept you on your toes and knew how to make the party fun. Eventually we added Manny who I enjoyed talking to a lot. Defiantly in my state of "drunkenness". We could chill for hours of the night chatting away bout anything and everything. Jeremy and Tony were just hilarious to have around when you need a good laugh. And SeanJohn was a good add in. (everyone knew, but he was my secret crush for awhile but then he became one of my best friends) Chillin out with them kept me relaxed and known that I had people to go to when I needed someone. No matter what. That kind of impact on some one's life is rare. I'm proud to have had that.

I've had many love in my life. Joe was of course one first. He was perfect for my parents but when high school hit my life, everything just flew out the window for everything with me. That's when I met Kevin. he was my "first-first". Between marching band, color guard and winter guard, he was there with me the whole way. We dealt through a lot in those years, and I know me he will always remember that part of his life as well. Dustin was the next step in my "guy life". I honestly don't know where all that began or ended. I know that sounds wrong, but the things that progressed in that short time turned to just plain weird. Justin then came into my life and stuck there for awhile off and on. He brought out the rebellious side of me I guess. Between sneaking out, breaking into parks, and staying out at all hours of the night?...I think we pretty much had a lot of fun. Then he gave me Jasper. My one and only man i know I can trust and be there when i need him. After I had Jman, Justin kinda vanished off and on for awhile till I met Kris. The one love in my life I felt was the right feeling to have. We've had our rough patches, but he makes me feel like things could really not go wrong anymore. Course they did. Trust became an issues between us both. And lying became an issue. So we had our drifting part happen and now we're stuck in the rut of not knowing which direction to go on. I love him to death. He will aways be my Superman. And deep down I hope everything comes out ok between us.

I've also had my fallen times. Where my crushes happened. Every girl creates crushes in their life. There's one in mind I had for a long time when  I was hanging out with the Taco Bell peeps and that was Manny. *blush* I know it's prob one of those "impossible crushes", but it did happen. Course he wasn't aware of it AT ALL! LoL. I think I just enjoyed his company when I needed it the most and that's how my feelings got the best of me. Know one knew of this because I was just too scared to mention it, plus we had our "relationships" at the time. SeanJohn was another that I had BAD! It was almost embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hung out a lot. And drank a lot. And....well...you know. Things happen. He was a great bestie though. He was their when you needed him and he was good company. I have missed him a lot lately.

Friends tend to come and go in my life. I hate that. I've a good amount of girl friends. I talk to most from time to time. Jenn has her own fam now, but I know if I need her I could always give her a heads up and she'll be there. Crystal is the same way. She may be in Denton at the moment, but we still love each other.

As much as I have gone through in my life, my life has only made me stronger, smarter and more prepared for the future. That's all you can really ask for.

Hollie

today is the day...

Looking back at all the shit I have done in the past 4years has kinda upset me some. I let having a kid slow me down on what I should have accomplished. I don't blam Jasper at all! If anything he made my life TONS better! I am the one controlling my life, and I'm the one that should have tooken control of the things I had set.

Going back to school and becoming some sort of nurse would be AMAZING! Since I was little i always wanted to do something in the medical field.

I love helping people.

I also have those "unlikely" dreams of becoming a ballerina, photographer or a singer. NOT HAPPENING! LoL!

I have new dreams now that I have to set myself. Jasper's future. He needs a good opportunity to make himself, him. He loves doing sports. He loves learning new things. And he great at remembering things. He has a kind heart too! He's what wakes me up in the morning and lets me know everything is goign to be ok. \

Give me some kinda push tho, universe. I need to find that path that is going to help me on the path I'm looking for.

until next time...
Hollie