Dark meaningless or could be meaningful hole

*i am in a weird mood today and hoping to get out of it soon. so bear w/me and my thoughts.*

being caught in this hole is making me feel so alone.
with no one to talk to because no one really knows.
i have hidden this feeling, that i can't hide anymore.
i have hiddden the darkness for too long.

i love knowing to know.
i hate not knowing to love.
i hate everything about it.
i hate being inside.
i thought i was beyond this feeling.
these feelings i have feared.
this feeling of having no one.
who knows what i fear.

i have a lot of someones.
but no one really knows.
everything that has been happening,
or anything that has been going on.

i blame only myself.
and no one else to add.
cause my love...has already passed.
everything is a blur.
nothing makes since.
im scared of losing.
and afraid to gain.

only one can stop this.
but only one can control it.
how can i get out this darkness of mess?