Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be someone else. If it's really the same as I am today. The perspective of being someone else is like being me. Being able to only few what's around you and now all around the world. What people are thinking, feeling, seeing...pretty much everything. Is it me who only focuses on me, or is there someone else in the world that can see my life the way I see it??
I fear for my son to get older sometimes. I fear for him of this world that we all live in. The unpredicablness of it. The people in it that we can't trust. Just seems like the population of that "group" that we can't trust continues to grow daily. I don't want Jasper to be introduced to those people. Change his personality of life from happiness and joy to doubt of everything. His perspective on life is safety and love. I know this. As he gets older he'll see the fear we all have about going out in public in certain areas, talking to strangers about certain projects of our days, the fear of walking down the street or going to the park. To him, he doesn't have that fear. He just knows when he's with his loved ones, he's gonna be happy.
I think about all the things that have changed in this world. How little we can trust people due to all the deadly sins there are now. I think back as to how the world was really like. But was it really as easy as we all thought? Or has it always been like this, we just now opened our eyes and noticed it all happening. There's nothing in this world now to talk about but death, violence and greed. When you watch the news today it's rare to hear something positive about the world and how it's going. They only point out the negative of it because that is what gets peoples minds going. The concern we have for the life outside our homes. It attracts us because we want to know where it was, how we can prevent it or if we can.
Living is the scary part of life. Not knowing what to expect or what will be worse down the road. Between the movies being mad, and the ideas put in people's heads, life is just continuing to be even more scary than we could ever imagine.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
being forgotten
Life introduces you to many people. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're people you build relationships with. I enjoy meeting people in general because I feel it makes your life a lil bit more colorful. You will always have some kind of memory of the people you meet. Doesn't have to be a huge memory, just a memory in general.
My favorite memory is meeting my Taco Bell clan. They were the people I caught myself being me. I learned who I was with them. And I didn't have to be anyone else BUT me! Those people will ALWAYS have a huge part in my life. Sam was my bestie throughout high school. He kept me laughing and always got into my head. Jana was the one person I felt I could really see eye to eye to when it came to emotions and feeling on life. Jamie kept you on your toes and knew how to make the party fun. Eventually we added Manny who I enjoyed talking to a lot. Defiantly in my state of "drunkenness". We could chill for hours of the night chatting away bout anything and everything. Jeremy and Tony were just hilarious to have around when you need a good laugh. And SeanJohn was a good add in. (everyone knew, but he was my secret crush for awhile but then he became one of my best friends) Chillin out with them kept me relaxed and known that I had people to go to when I needed someone. No matter what. That kind of impact on some one's life is rare. I'm proud to have had that.
I've had many love in my life. Joe was of course one first. He was perfect for my parents but when high school hit my life, everything just flew out the window for everything with me. That's when I met Kevin. he was my "first-first". Between marching band, color guard and winter guard, he was there with me the whole way. We dealt through a lot in those years, and I know me he will always remember that part of his life as well. Dustin was the next step in my "guy life". I honestly don't know where all that began or ended. I know that sounds wrong, but the things that progressed in that short time turned to just plain weird. Justin then came into my life and stuck there for awhile off and on. He brought out the rebellious side of me I guess. Between sneaking out, breaking into parks, and staying out at all hours of the night?...I think we pretty much had a lot of fun. Then he gave me Jasper. My one and only man i know I can trust and be there when i need him. After I had Jman, Justin kinda vanished off and on for awhile till I met Kris. The one love in my life I felt was the right feeling to have. We've had our rough patches, but he makes me feel like things could really not go wrong anymore. Course they did. Trust became an issues between us both. And lying became an issue. So we had our drifting part happen and now we're stuck in the rut of not knowing which direction to go on. I love him to death. He will aways be my Superman. And deep down I hope everything comes out ok between us.
I've also had my fallen times. Where my crushes happened. Every girl creates crushes in their life. There's one in mind I had for a long time when I was hanging out with the Taco Bell peeps and that was Manny. *blush* I know it's prob one of those "impossible crushes", but it did happen. Course he wasn't aware of it AT ALL! LoL. I think I just enjoyed his company when I needed it the most and that's how my feelings got the best of me. Know one knew of this because I was just too scared to mention it, plus we had our "relationships" at the time. SeanJohn was another that I had BAD! It was almost embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hung out a lot. And drank a lot. And....well...you know. Things happen. He was a great bestie though. He was their when you needed him and he was good company. I have missed him a lot lately.
Friends tend to come and go in my life. I hate that. I've a good amount of girl friends. I talk to most from time to time. Jenn has her own fam now, but I know if I need her I could always give her a heads up and she'll be there. Crystal is the same way. She may be in Denton at the moment, but we still love each other.
As much as I have gone through in my life, my life has only made me stronger, smarter and more prepared for the future. That's all you can really ask for.
Hollie
My favorite memory is meeting my Taco Bell clan. They were the people I caught myself being me. I learned who I was with them. And I didn't have to be anyone else BUT me! Those people will ALWAYS have a huge part in my life. Sam was my bestie throughout high school. He kept me laughing and always got into my head. Jana was the one person I felt I could really see eye to eye to when it came to emotions and feeling on life. Jamie kept you on your toes and knew how to make the party fun. Eventually we added Manny who I enjoyed talking to a lot. Defiantly in my state of "drunkenness". We could chill for hours of the night chatting away bout anything and everything. Jeremy and Tony were just hilarious to have around when you need a good laugh. And SeanJohn was a good add in. (everyone knew, but he was my secret crush for awhile but then he became one of my best friends) Chillin out with them kept me relaxed and known that I had people to go to when I needed someone. No matter what. That kind of impact on some one's life is rare. I'm proud to have had that.
I've had many love in my life. Joe was of course one first. He was perfect for my parents but when high school hit my life, everything just flew out the window for everything with me. That's when I met Kevin. he was my "first-first". Between marching band, color guard and winter guard, he was there with me the whole way. We dealt through a lot in those years, and I know me he will always remember that part of his life as well. Dustin was the next step in my "guy life". I honestly don't know where all that began or ended. I know that sounds wrong, but the things that progressed in that short time turned to just plain weird. Justin then came into my life and stuck there for awhile off and on. He brought out the rebellious side of me I guess. Between sneaking out, breaking into parks, and staying out at all hours of the night?...I think we pretty much had a lot of fun. Then he gave me Jasper. My one and only man i know I can trust and be there when i need him. After I had Jman, Justin kinda vanished off and on for awhile till I met Kris. The one love in my life I felt was the right feeling to have. We've had our rough patches, but he makes me feel like things could really not go wrong anymore. Course they did. Trust became an issues between us both. And lying became an issue. So we had our drifting part happen and now we're stuck in the rut of not knowing which direction to go on. I love him to death. He will aways be my Superman. And deep down I hope everything comes out ok between us.
I've also had my fallen times. Where my crushes happened. Every girl creates crushes in their life. There's one in mind I had for a long time when I was hanging out with the Taco Bell peeps and that was Manny. *blush* I know it's prob one of those "impossible crushes", but it did happen. Course he wasn't aware of it AT ALL! LoL. I think I just enjoyed his company when I needed it the most and that's how my feelings got the best of me. Know one knew of this because I was just too scared to mention it, plus we had our "relationships" at the time. SeanJohn was another that I had BAD! It was almost embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hung out a lot. And drank a lot. And....well...you know. Things happen. He was a great bestie though. He was their when you needed him and he was good company. I have missed him a lot lately.
Friends tend to come and go in my life. I hate that. I've a good amount of girl friends. I talk to most from time to time. Jenn has her own fam now, but I know if I need her I could always give her a heads up and she'll be there. Crystal is the same way. She may be in Denton at the moment, but we still love each other.
As much as I have gone through in my life, my life has only made me stronger, smarter and more prepared for the future. That's all you can really ask for.
Hollie
Friday, April 1, 2011
today is the day...
Looking back at all the shit I have done in the past 4years has kinda upset me some. I let having a kid slow me down on what I should have accomplished. I don't blam Jasper at all! If anything he made my life TONS better! I am the one controlling my life, and I'm the one that should have tooken control of the things I had set.
Going back to school and becoming some sort of nurse would be AMAZING! Since I was little i always wanted to do something in the medical field.
I love helping people.
I also have those "unlikely" dreams of becoming a ballerina, photographer or a singer. NOT HAPPENING! LoL!
I have new dreams now that I have to set myself. Jasper's future. He needs a good opportunity to make himself, him. He loves doing sports. He loves learning new things. And he great at remembering things. He has a kind heart too! He's what wakes me up in the morning and lets me know everything is goign to be ok. \
Give me some kinda push tho, universe. I need to find that path that is going to help me on the path I'm looking for.
until next time...
Hollie
Going back to school and becoming some sort of nurse would be AMAZING! Since I was little i always wanted to do something in the medical field.
I love helping people.
I also have those "unlikely" dreams of becoming a ballerina, photographer or a singer. NOT HAPPENING! LoL!
I have new dreams now that I have to set myself. Jasper's future. He needs a good opportunity to make himself, him. He loves doing sports. He loves learning new things. And he great at remembering things. He has a kind heart too! He's what wakes me up in the morning and lets me know everything is goign to be ok. \
Give me some kinda push tho, universe. I need to find that path that is going to help me on the path I'm looking for.
until next time...
Hollie
Friday, March 25, 2011
day 1 of the mind of hollie...
Ok. So this is it, huh? Well I am one to write my thoughts down but not to type them. I guess I am always afraid of who will actually read it. Mainly a good handful of people. People that prob don't even care what I am doing. I know it's gotta be stupid, but it's whatever!
I am just a small town chick that lives in Midlothian. I am currently wrkn at Blockbuster (no lame as remarks please).
Hmmm...let's see. Since I should be getting ready for work I will try and make this quick.
I have an AMAZING son Jasper Cole Wright! He is my one and only! And I think right now, he is the only one that can make me smile. I have a great family. And a pretty good amount of friends. Mainly text/FB friends. I don't get out really. Between work and Jman, my schedule is pretty much set. Sometimes I like it like that, but I do have my moment.
I'm a writer, a photographer, a reader and a HUGE dreamer. (non professional) I tend to always imagine, "what if". I know it's insane, but it's what makes me sane for the most part.
I dream I have a great lifestyle. I dream I have someone that loves spending time with me and accepts the fact I am going to have Jman always in my life. I dream that i will go to school and make lots better for myself. I could dream on forever if I allowed myself to.
Love is my big prob. LOVE. What is that? Does it exsist for a woman and a man? Love. Hmm...I think about it all the time. It's droven me crazy since my first real relationship. A lot happened in that relationship a 15year old shlouldn't really have to go through. But it did happen. I think that's what ruined me and my life view. I have never blammed anyone but myself. That is because i chose to do what I did and no one could have made that decision but me. I think "things happen for a reason" but that "what if" has always popped into my head. I push it aside though. As well as everything else. Love. Huh. I always thought the guy I am "with" right now had that. We lost it though. How do you lose love? Can you?
Well i have ran off subject.
I continue that another time. Trust me...that's my specialty. Questioning love.
I do know one thing. I REALLY love Jasper. And I know every mother has to love their child. I can tell you one thing. The feeling you have, when that baby is placed in you're arms 9months after it's been inside you is incredable. Undescribable. It's a feeling no one could take back, change or forget. If that's not love, I will find out what it is and never let go!
Well this is what's going on in my head right now.
And I will be back on next time, hopefully with something more positive.
Hollie
I am just a small town chick that lives in Midlothian. I am currently wrkn at Blockbuster (no lame as remarks please).
Hmmm...let's see. Since I should be getting ready for work I will try and make this quick.
I have an AMAZING son Jasper Cole Wright! He is my one and only! And I think right now, he is the only one that can make me smile. I have a great family. And a pretty good amount of friends. Mainly text/FB friends. I don't get out really. Between work and Jman, my schedule is pretty much set. Sometimes I like it like that, but I do have my moment.
I'm a writer, a photographer, a reader and a HUGE dreamer. (non professional) I tend to always imagine, "what if". I know it's insane, but it's what makes me sane for the most part.
I dream I have a great lifestyle. I dream I have someone that loves spending time with me and accepts the fact I am going to have Jman always in my life. I dream that i will go to school and make lots better for myself. I could dream on forever if I allowed myself to.
Love is my big prob. LOVE. What is that? Does it exsist for a woman and a man? Love. Hmm...I think about it all the time. It's droven me crazy since my first real relationship. A lot happened in that relationship a 15year old shlouldn't really have to go through. But it did happen. I think that's what ruined me and my life view. I have never blammed anyone but myself. That is because i chose to do what I did and no one could have made that decision but me. I think "things happen for a reason" but that "what if" has always popped into my head. I push it aside though. As well as everything else. Love. Huh. I always thought the guy I am "with" right now had that. We lost it though. How do you lose love? Can you?
Well i have ran off subject.
I continue that another time. Trust me...that's my specialty. Questioning love.
I do know one thing. I REALLY love Jasper. And I know every mother has to love their child. I can tell you one thing. The feeling you have, when that baby is placed in you're arms 9months after it's been inside you is incredable. Undescribable. It's a feeling no one could take back, change or forget. If that's not love, I will find out what it is and never let go!
Well this is what's going on in my head right now.
And I will be back on next time, hopefully with something more positive.
Hollie
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